MLB All Steroids Team

We have seen some big names come under the steroids suspicion and even bigger names caught and confirmed users of performance enhancing drugs.  Personally, I’m not opposed to steroids in sports; I just want to see a bunch of huge men knock some balls really far. Bunting is for girls. But I don’t like it when players are jerks and continue their denials long after they’ve been caught. Let’s have a look at the All-Time Steroids team. I’m only using players who have been caught or implicated by Jose Canseco, say what you want about Canseco but he’s like the TMZ of baseball, slimy and an attention whore but unfortunately right more often than many of you want to believe.

Catcher – Ivan Rodriguez – I-Rod redefined that catcher position, he hit for power, he stole bases and had an arm like a cannon. An AL MVP Award, 14 time All-Star, 13 Gold Gloves, 7 Silver Slugger awards and a World Series title.

1st Base – Mark McGuire – Big Mac is not here to talk about the past, but we are. The red headed giant broke Roger Maris’ single season home run record by hitting an astronomical 70 homers in 1997. He won a World Series title with his bash brother and Steroid whistle blower Jose Canseco. He never admitted to using steroids but we all remember the bottles of Andro displayed prominently in his St. Louis Cardinals’ locker.

2nd Base – Brian Roberts – I chose Roberts over Chuck Knoblauch but while both men are named in the Mitchell report, only Roberts was named by Jason Grimsley in Grimsley’s own admission of steroid use. Roberts has played in2 all-star games.

3rd Base – Alex Rodriguez – Was there anyone who has been caught in recent years that you were happier about. I didn’t think so. A-Roid has put up monster numbers, well monster regular season numbers, apparently steroids don’t help you in the playoffs.

Shortstop – Miguel Tejada – The former AL MVP was the fall guy in Rafael “I have never used steroids. Period.” Palmeiro after Palmeiro tested positive for performance enhancing drugs. Palmeiro said the steroids must have been on a needle that Tejada used to give him a B12 shot. I’m not sure what’s more disturbing, that Palmeiro would sell out Tejada or that they both used the same needles.

Left Field – Barry Bonds – Barry Bonds is the definition of hubris; he was a sure fired first ballot hall of famer before he even started using steroids. Once he started using, he broke the single season and career home run record. And set MLB record for walks and intentional walks because very few pitchers would throw to the pumped up freak.

Centre Field – Manny Ramirez – Manny being Manny includes using a female fertility drug. I guess he didn’t want to wait for B*tch tits to grow.

Right Field – Sammy Sosa – Sammy Sosa famously forgot how to speak English when he faced the congressional hearings.  Soon after the hearings, he also forgot to hit home runs. Sosa averaged 58 home runs per season between 1998 and 2002 but only 26 for the rest of his career.

Starting Pitchers – Roger Clemens – Clemens was washed up in 1996 so the Red Sox refused to resign him. Clemens seemed to get a shot in the arm or the butt by teaming with strength and conditioning and steroid dealing Coach Brian McNamee, Clemens won winning 4 more CY Young awards.

Andy Pettite – Clemens’s best friend on the Yankees and one of the few players who has come out and admitted using Steroids. His admission has become the blueprint for those caught using. “If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize; I accept responsibility for those two days.” Admit the one time mistake and move on. Pettite has escaped the scorn placed on the deniers.

Kevin Brown – Brown was a 6-time all-star and World Series Champion. He started using after he joined the Dodgers; I guess he felt the pressure to live up to being baseballs first $100 Million player.

Chuck Finley – Chuck almost didn’t make the steroid team because I felt sorry for the guy. During divorce proceedings, his ex-wife claimed that he bought steroids and bragged about being able to beat the MLB Drug testing policy. Furthermore, this same woman beat Finley forcing him to press domestic abuse charges against her, no wonder Finley was afraid to deny the allegations.

Relief Pitchers – John Rocker, Jason Grimsley and Juan Rincon – If relievers did more steroids, they would be starters or closers and not stuck in the pen.

Closer – Eric Gagne – Eric Gagne meant lights out for Dodgers opponents as he Racked up 84 consecutive saves and the 2003 CY Young award. However, after the year after the MLB started drug testing, Gagne’s body started to break down and he’s never been the same.

I’m sure the All-Time Steroids team will change its players as more names from the 2003 anonymous drug testing come out.